Life In A Political Fishbowl

Jill is a very different book from Biden’s 2019 memoir Where the Light Enters: Building a Family, Discovering Myself. That was a very personal book (she narrates the audiobook), wrenching at times. The biography Jill by Julie Pace and Darlene Superville, is someone else’s observations of her, like taking a class in Jill, taught by two Associated Press professional writers who have followed politics and its players for years, and have had a close up look at Jill throughout their years of White House reporting.  

The effort may seem perfunctory at first glance, as though the authors have a specific goal to accomplish in the writing of this book. The book reveals all the things it takes to be a politician’s spouse on a very public stage, the importance of having a career, family as a core value, and the continuous juggling of priorities between family, professional, personal and political obligations. She comes across as fiercely independent. Jill took up long distance running for a period as a way to deal with the stress of her mother’s failing health in the midst of a campaign, as well as the frustrations of teen conflict with her adolescent daughter.

This book is also about blended families, how a woman can fall in love with the children of another woman who has been taken away from them due to illness or accident. The role Jill played as mother in the lives of Beau and Hunter, provided the unconditional love every child needs in their lives, and was deeply felt by her; she experienced a crisis of faith after the staggering blow of Beau’s death, and has grappled with it since. Raised a Presbyterian, she does not routinely accompany Joe to church. 

24 year old Jill met Joe in 1975, 3 years after his wife and daughter were killed in a car accident that also injured his young sons. At that point he was no doubt weary of being set up by friends and colleagues. Walking through an airport he saw Jill in an advertising poster for a Wilmington park, and opined to his brother “that’s the kind of woman I want to meet.” His brother knew her, and set them up. Being in a relationship with a public figure is not for the faint at heart. People are watching everything you do, judging your choices, women attracted to the sphere of power aggressively make themselves available to candidates, and media is a gleeful nonstop purveyor of marital carnage. 

A widower sees a dating interest as a potential opportunity to take some pressure off of them, as sole head to the nuclear family. While extended family were helping, he no doubt wanted a companion to share family duties with, to restore a mother’s care to his sons. A wife would relieve Joe by giving him a partner to share family responsibilities. For a woman in her mid 20s, it was a huge addition of responsibility to her life, an instant family of two rambunctious boys, and all the expectations they and society have for that role. 

A widowed  politician knows a wife is a political asset for help in campaigning, a relatable figure appealing to those who might not feel strongly about Joe, the matron of the happy family unit who can double the campaign coverage by her own personal appearances, the arm candy who picks up conversation when attending countless dinners and functions as part of the grind of fundraising, networking, and party obligations with people who aren’t the least bit interested in you as a person, just what you can do for them and their cause. It requires public speaking skills, standing up in front of huge crowds, unforgiving television cameras that catch each flaw or mistake for all of perpetuity, and the pressure to look attractive and polished at all times to create a spark that can build interest and loyalty to her husband, the candidate. That’s a lot of time subtracted from your own interests to dedicate to someone else’s interests. Before accepting Joe’s proposal, a young Jill had a great deal to weigh, and she took two years to do it. 

Despite her youth at the time she and Joe dated, Joe asked her to marry him 5 times before she accepted in 1977. Having been through a marriage at the age of 18 that ended in divorce, she clearly didn’t want to jump into a relationship that could be fraught with the issues of life on a very public stage, a role that is a harsh taskmaster for many.

Reading the book made me think Jill owned the choices she made, they were not an afterthought, as she took years to consider them. Once made, she fought to integrate them into her life in a way that didn’t compromise what was most important to her. Her life has been a constant battle to extricate that kernel of what was important to her in a situation that otherwise seemed onerous. She obviously loved the boys, and wanted to be a perfect mom, that image of all one should be we carry around in our heads to use as a yardstick in seeing how we measure up. Being a mom is hard. It’s a shock to discover having a child doesn’t automatically imbue one with all the wisdom and knowledge to be a good one, of all the patience and understanding it takes to deal with a toddler or teen in the midst of their worst moments. Imagine stepping into that role with two children in a politician’s household, with all those willing advisors to tell you what’s best. 

Jill was a registered Republican at the time she was dating Joe, and did not switch parties until after they were married, before a primary for an election Joe was running in, so she could vote for him. Her party affiliation was part of who she was, and wasn’t something she changed early on just because she was dating a Democrat and US Senator. I was interested to see Jill did not dedicate her 2006 doctoral dissertation to her husband, but to her father who passed away 6/7/1999, age 72: “This manuscript is dedicated to: My father, Donald C. Jacobs, for always believing in me.”

Jill’s profession as a teacher plays a pivotal role in her life, in having a piece of her life that isn’t owned by another, such as a family member of prominence and celebrity. It is your own accomplishment, and the influence or feedback from students belong to you alone. Whatever comes your way in life, death of a family member, divorce, loss of an election, your fortunes do not rise and fall by such external events that their absence might subtract from your inner core. The job, as teacher, would be an integral part of who she is, as opposed to relying on assignments received as a result of a spouse’s accomplishments. Working as a teacher, even if it was for two classes a semester, was a direct investment of time she made to students’ lives, as well a gift to her personal account, contributions and accomplishments defining who she was that nothing could take away. 

Starting in Chapter 49 politicization becomes more apparent, and rhetoric shifts as the book becomes less a biography of Jill and more a crescendo of partisan merchandising with opposition derision, underscoring party narratives of recent history. I’d like to think if Jill finished the book, it would have been different, but the political divide currently runs so deep, that’s probably just wishful thinking.